If They Were Rappers Pt. 3 – A&SB Compares NBA, Hip-Hop
Dem Franchise Boyz celebrate after acquiring bling and a log cabin in exchange for their homes
Now that the football season is over, our sports-literate hipster readers have turned their attention to basketball. The rest of our readers are wondering why the heck anyone cares about basketball.
Fear not! A&SB has the answer – It’s just like Hip-hop!. We are proud to present more of our scientifically proven, e-Harmony personality-matching robot verified hip-hop basketball equivalency equations.
Grant Hill – Big L
For a short period of time, they seemed sure to be counted among the greatest of all time. Grant Hill kept getting injured and Big L got the rap equivalent – getting shot in Harlem. Still is fun to look at their old highlight reels though, if only there were more of them…
Chris Webber & Peja Stojakovic – Mobb Deep
Much like the classic hip-hop duo, C-Web and Peja were humorless as they dismantled opponents. But when each tried to pull off a stylistic shift to take it to the next level, they were dismantled by the Lakers and Jay-Z respectively. I don’t have to remind you that we compared Kobe to Jay-Z in part 1, do I?
Ron Artest – MF Doom
Okay, so the e-Harmony personality robot didn’t like this one so much. But when you block out the personal issues and focus on their roles in the league and their wide array of talents, this one makes perfect sense. Plus, MF Doom wears a mask, and Ron Artest’s entire personality is a mask.
John Starks – Royce da 5’9”
Damn talented, if whiny players. I’m not comparing Eminem to Jordan in the slighest, (that honor goes to Tupac) but each could never truly break free from an insanely talented opponent, despite having seriously wicked skills themselves. Plus, “Round here they call me indiependy, causea how independent my pen be – we on that paper like ink on that paper,” sounds like something John Starks might say.
Ben Gordon &Kirk Hinrich – Little Brother
Highly acclaimed for their talent and fundamental skills. Will never win a title together so long as they are the two principals.
New York Knicks (2007-08) – Dem Franchise Boyz
lol.
Mike Bibby – Atmosphere
Cult followings in their hometowns, religiously averse to selling out or padding stats to the detriment of his team. Truly noble men who make quality contributions to their art. Unfortunately, those with higher talent levels don’t follow this example.
Elton Brand – Papoose
Under-appreciated, dominant guys you want on your team. Just listen to Papoose rap and watch Elton Brand hoop and you’ll swear its the same guy. (seriously, try it Papoose / Elton Brand) See what I mean? both ‘Ruggedy-Ruff’ – in the words of Rakim
Stay tuned for pt4. Coming soon. Also plz direct hate mail to the account where I have the e-Harmony robot delete my hate mail. bassey@airandseabattle.com
- Joey Grihalva contributed to this article
Related posts:
- If They Were Rappers – A&SB Compares NBA, Hip-Hop Pt.1
- If They Were Rappers – A&SB Compares NBA, Hip-Hop Pt.II
- Challenging Opponent: Should hip-hop stop doing mixtapes?
- DC Comics’ Batman & Robin #1
- Diggy – The First Flight [Review]
